It's late, I'm on my own, as usual. Another day has passed without my having been able to connect, without finding a way to crawl through the event horizon of my isolation. I don't know how many more days like this I can live with, they seem to have always been with me, for as long as I can remember, back to the moment of creation. Always destined to be on the outside looking in, my nose pressed up against the toyshop window of life, while all the more favoured sons and daughters of the world are inside, choosing their presents. It's not as though I want anything extravagant, either, all I want is something that can be freely given, if the circumstances are right. All at once, I realise that what I want and need is never going to be there for me, and I turn away from the brightly lit tableau, to face the only way left open to me. The embrace of endless darkness.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Saturday, 25 June 2011
Friday, 24 June 2011
Maze
Groping through unrelenting darkness, trying to feel my way
Navigating the convolutions, as much by instinct as reason
Trapped in a hall of mirrors, all reflecting nothing but black
Succeeding in staying hidden, only by being hopelessly lost
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Navigating the convolutions, as much by instinct as reason
Trapped in a hall of mirrors, all reflecting nothing but black
Succeeding in staying hidden, only by being hopelessly lost
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Light
As he looks at the man in the mirror
The spark has gone out in his eyes
The spectre of death drawing nearer
The knowledge that time truly flies
Too much of his life spent in wanting
So little fulfilling the need
Frustration of constantly searching
For the key so his heart could be freed
A last, weak, faltering heartbeat
No hope of reprieve comes in sight
Gone without ever knowing sweet
Love's illumining light.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
The spark has gone out in his eyes
The spectre of death drawing nearer
The knowledge that time truly flies
Too much of his life spent in wanting
So little fulfilling the need
Frustration of constantly searching
For the key so his heart could be freed
A last, weak, faltering heartbeat
No hope of reprieve comes in sight
Gone without ever knowing sweet
Love's illumining light.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Attraction
Impenetrable depths, enigma wrapped in quandary.
Why? Why you? When all the world seems to say I'm wrong.
I wish I could make it go away, thrust it back into the darkness whence it came.
Fulfil the role society condones for me, obediently follow the rules.
Instead the best I can do is to hide inside my own skin.
Pretend to those around me that I fit into the proper template.
While all the while I'm screaming inside, frustration boiling.
The tension building, the real me drowning in a sea of wanting.
The agony of never being able to be truthful.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Why? Why you? When all the world seems to say I'm wrong.
I wish I could make it go away, thrust it back into the darkness whence it came.
Fulfil the role society condones for me, obediently follow the rules.
Instead the best I can do is to hide inside my own skin.
Pretend to those around me that I fit into the proper template.
While all the while I'm screaming inside, frustration boiling.
The tension building, the real me drowning in a sea of wanting.
The agony of never being able to be truthful.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Nihilsm
Nothing ever will
Change in a positive way
Ekeing out a life.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Change in a positive way
Ekeing out a life.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Propaganda
"We can't let him win."
"Why? He's the most talented performer by far, and everyone loves him."
"What sort of example would it set if he came out on top? What would the public think? I can just imagine the reaction from the tabloids. We go out before the watershed, you know that. All those kids watching. We'll be accused of corrupting the youth of the nation."
"The public vote, pay to vote. If they want him to win, what's the problem. If they think he's a bad influence, they won't back him. Isn't that the point of the exercise, the people speaking?"
"Come on, you know you don't believe that. The object of the exercise is to make money. If the 'silent majority' decide he's not one of their kind, we'll lose millions. It doesn't matter how good he is, it's whether he's marketable that counts. And I really don't think he's marketable, long term. He'll grow up, then he'll just be another limp-wristed luvvie. Let's make sure we get someone that Middle England will happily listen to on Radio 2. Then the gravy train will run for years."
"Anyone ever tell you you're a grasping cynic?"
"Yeah - got a problem with that!" Laughter. "Anyway, we've got to keep these queers in their place - even if they are only 12. Can't have them thinking they're acceptable."
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
"Why? He's the most talented performer by far, and everyone loves him."
"What sort of example would it set if he came out on top? What would the public think? I can just imagine the reaction from the tabloids. We go out before the watershed, you know that. All those kids watching. We'll be accused of corrupting the youth of the nation."
"The public vote, pay to vote. If they want him to win, what's the problem. If they think he's a bad influence, they won't back him. Isn't that the point of the exercise, the people speaking?"
"Come on, you know you don't believe that. The object of the exercise is to make money. If the 'silent majority' decide he's not one of their kind, we'll lose millions. It doesn't matter how good he is, it's whether he's marketable that counts. And I really don't think he's marketable, long term. He'll grow up, then he'll just be another limp-wristed luvvie. Let's make sure we get someone that Middle England will happily listen to on Radio 2. Then the gravy train will run for years."
"Anyone ever tell you you're a grasping cynic?"
"Yeah - got a problem with that!" Laughter. "Anyway, we've got to keep these queers in their place - even if they are only 12. Can't have them thinking they're acceptable."
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Monday, 30 May 2011
Vibgyor
Author's note - Any Nabokovians out there may recognise that I've 'borrowed' the title and the three header words below from V.N., with apologies to the great man's shade.
****
Adoration
The one and only, consumes my days and haunts my dreams, never before has anyone been like you, never again will anyone come close. Love you till death, there will never be another.
Sorrow
You don't even know I exist, you could never feel the same. I can never tell the world what you mean to me, they would never understand if I did.
Rainbows
One day, some way, maybe people will understand that even though love comes in different colours, it's still the same love. Then we can hold hands and share the iridian beauty, without fear in our hearts.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
****
Adoration
The one and only, consumes my days and haunts my dreams, never before has anyone been like you, never again will anyone come close. Love you till death, there will never be another.
Sorrow
You don't even know I exist, you could never feel the same. I can never tell the world what you mean to me, they would never understand if I did.
Rainbows
One day, some way, maybe people will understand that even though love comes in different colours, it's still the same love. Then we can hold hands and share the iridian beauty, without fear in our hearts.
****
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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