Hindsight

Each ache, cables from the past, bleach and leach the feeling from the soul
No longer able to heal, days when all was well fading far and fast
Into a half-forgotten past, of sunlit tableaux, standing alone
Without context, significance forgotten, simply dusty photographs
Signposts no longer able to be read, those junctions long since traversed
Routes to alternative futures never again accessible, no way to recross
The Rubicon, those dice forever cast, like a wasp trapped in a jam jar
Drowning in what ought to have sustained, a life drained of hope.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Endgame

Say what you will, lay bear your soul

It's just the same, you may as well

Spit in the wind, you can't cajole

Those who don't care, this life is hell

You live and breathe, but cry inside

No hope of more, no inner fire

No loving touch, you can but hide

All that you want, never aspire

You must be wrong, they must be right

They shout so loud, ne'er short of breath

Of how you're vile, nothing but blight

All you deserve, is painful death

Then you believe, the lies they spout

You're the reason, for all their woes

It's time to go, your hope's run out

Knife cuts so sharp, your life blood flows

****

Love & best wishes to all

Sammy B

Discrimination

The man heard raised voices coming from the big room at the back of the house that was used as a den, a family room.

"That's so straight!"

"Jack McKay, I heard that! There's no need for that kind of expression! How would you like it if Steven said that to you? Come here!"

The boy shuffled sheepishly into the hallway.

"S...sorry, Dad. I didn't know you were there."

"Evidently. Just because some people are different, there's no need to be horrible about it. Don't you think the world would be a boring place if everyone was the same?"

The boy shifted uncomfortably under his father's scrutiny. "I don't know....I suppose so. Why are some people....that way, anyway?"

"I don't think anyone knows for sure. Some combination of their genes and their environment, they say. Whatever the reason, it's not something they choose, it's just part of who they are. You're left-handed, did you choose that? Of course not. It doesn't make you better or worse, just different from the majority."

"I never thought of it like that. It's just....it's gross, I'd never want to do that!"

"Jack, I know it's hard for you to understand at your age - I was a boy too, not that long ago." The boy smirked surreptitiously. "I really hope you aren't going to grow up prejudiced. There's good and bad in all sorts of people - it's the person that's important, not the label others put on them. Please try to be nice to everyone, the world's a much better place when you are."

"I'll try, Dad," the boy replied, his eyes downcast.

"Good boy - now go and say you're sorry to Steven, please. If he likes girls instead of boys, that's his business. It doesn't stop him being your friend, does it?"

"Nah - he's my bestie! Can I go, Dad?"

"Of course - just remember, no name-calling!"

"OK." The boy scampered back into the family room, and, when the man looked through the open door a couple of minutes later, the two 11 year olds were engrossed in their game, their spat forgotten, the best of friends once more.

I'll have to have a chat with my husband, the man thought, see if we can find some way of showing the boy some positive heterosexual role models, to underline the message that they were just different, not degenerate or depraved. Mind you, the man thought wryly, Jack was on the same wavelength as himself on one level - I'd never want to 'do that', either!

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Faith

For Lydia - R.I.P.


****

We must be obeyed, commandments respected
New thoughts bring danger, traditions rejected
You must be like us, gods will be offended
By upstarts like you, right must be defended

Don't cry in your pain, we've all been affected
By your heinous sin, you must be corrected
It's for your own good, you're now uninfected
Damn, you're not breathing, that wasn't expected

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Time

Time to yield, time to try
Time to laugh, time to cry
Time to live, time to die
When's the time to say goodbye?

Time for light, time for grey
Time for work, time for play
Time to think, time to say
Now it's time to go my way

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Pinnacle

At last, at last! It had happened at last. Thirty years and more of waiting, of wanting, now swept aside in one delirious, head-spinning night. After so much anticipation, so many fantasies of how it would be, any version of the reality, he had thought, would be anticlimactic, but how wrong he had been! It had been ecstatic beyond his wildest imagination, hour after hour of sensory overload, more pleasure than he could ever have envisaged, every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch combining to transcend anything that he had ever experienced. He knew there was no love, of course, that it was just a business proposition for his partner, but even that one missing piece of the jigsaw couldn't detract from the wonder, the joy of it all, and, in any case, there had been a kiss on parting, all part of the transaction, but so sensuous, so intoxicating and so freely shared that it could have barely been surpassed by the most passionate of lifelong lovers.

But now the man was alone again, lying on the bed in his small, tidy room, contemplating what had taken place. Suddenly, he felt like he could imagine what it was like for a mountaineer, standing on the summit of Everest, knowing that there was, literally, nowhere to go but down. He remembered that song from the eighties, who was it by? James, that was it - the lyrics played themselves in his head, over and over:

Now I've swung back down again 
It's worse than it was before 
If I hadn't seen such riches 
I could live with being poor 

After staring sightlessly at the ceiling for several minutes, the man walked to his store cupboard, took out a small, flat box, then went to the sink and drew a large glass of cool water. After washing down the contents of the box, he went back to the bed, and laid down as torpor overtook him. So tired, sleep came quickly....and lasted forever.

The boy smiled to himself as he sat on the train, heading back up to London. Shit, I wish they were all like that, he thought, kind, gentle, grateful....and generous. The boy had never seen so much money at one time in his life. Even the kiss the man had asked for before he left, something he normally hated doing, had been really nice. I hope I see him again, he thought, not knowing, how could he, that by the time the thought was born in his mind, the man had already breathed his last.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Flowers

The brightest, freshest blooms cut down by steel and hate
To save the world, you said, but what kind of world?
Your world festering in bigotry, fear and loathing
Your world of prejudice, patriarchal privilege
Is not worth saving, let it die unmourned
Their world of light and hope, peace and equality
Where all can flourish, all can grow, has to be the way
A place where every flower's beauty is cherished, always

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B