Streetwise

Author's note: This story includes explicit sexual content, involving descriptions of contact between an adult male and a boy below the age of consent. If you find this in any way offensive or distasteful, please read no further, and/or if it is illegal for you to read such material in your jurisdiction due to age or domicile, please read no further. The author does not condone or promote any illegal activity. This story is entirely a product of my imagination, no minors were involved in any way in its compilation, and the characters and actions portrayed are entirely fictitious. The characters in this story may not engage in safe sex, because, being fictitious, they don't need to. You, as a real person, do.
The story also contains strong language.

****

Cutie, I though to myself as I saw him outside the station. He was slouching against the wall next to the disabled car parking spaces. The spark of a lighter flashed momentarily, illuminating the mid evening gloom. He was looking straight back at me as I admired his boyish good looks.

"What yer think you're looking at, you some sort of fucking paedo, or something?"

I wasn't going to be phased by this little would-be hard case, I thought to myself.

"Something. What's it to you, anyway?"

He took a drag on the cigarette he was holding, as though giving himself a moment to think. He was 12, if that, five foot nothing, wearing the obligatory hoodie and jeans. Not sagging too low, though, I was pleased to see - that was one fashion I'd always loathed.

"Don't like fucking pervs staring at me, that's what."

"Get yourself a burka, then, or stay indoors. Anyway, lose the smokes, that's my advice - you'll just end up ruining your health, and your bank balance. And they make your breath and your clothes smell bloody awful."

"Fuck you! Don't pay for 'em, anyway - just nick me mum's!"

"Even if you get them for free, it's still a revolting habit."

"Not as revolting as you fucking paedos - why don't you just fuck off and die!"

"So much charm in one so young!" He smirked, almost in spite of himself. "You reckon you're a little boy, then, do you, because that's what the word 'paedophile' actually means, an adult attracted to prepubescent children." The scowl returned to his face.

"I ain't a little boy, I got hairs and make spunk and everything!" I'd evidently hit a raw nerve - I guessed he might be self-conscious about his small stature.

"Good for you! Wank a lot, do you?"

"What if I do? None of your business."

Despite his continuing to act the hard man, the tone of his voice was much less aggressive. My train was due in a few minutes, so I decided to throw caution to the winds, having a ready means of escape if he reacted badly.

"Ever had a blow job?" His eyes were suddenly like saucers.

"N....no."

"Want one?"

"I ain't no fucking queer!"

"Never thought you were. Your prick doesn't know who's sucking it - a cum's a cum! Anyway, girls don't usually like giving blow jobs, and they're never any bloody good at it, either - it would be ten times better from me, boys know what boys like!"

For the first time, his demeanour displayed some uncertainty, this turn of events assuredly wasn't what he had been expecting, and he wasn't sure how to react. I glanced down at his jeans, and there seemed to be a telltale bulge there which hadn't been in evidence before, although the thick material made it difficult to be sure.

"I....I dunno. Where would we go?"

"I was thinking of staying over tonight, if I go back to my place now, I won't get there until after midnight. I found a hotel with vacant rooms on the net, I could book it now, if you're interested."

The look on his face became even more conflicted, the 'stranger danger' warnings he'd doubtless been plied with for years in opposition to the desire engendered by his nascent sexuality. He did, actually, look far more like a young boy than the tough, streetsmart almost teen he'd been a couple of minutes earlier.

"You....you wouldn't....hurt me, would you?"

"Course not! Yeah, I know you've only got my word for that, and I don't blame you for being cautious, but, really - I love boys, I'd never, never hurt a boy on purpose. I want to make you feel good, better than you've ever felt. Promise."

I looked him in the eye, holding his gaze until he flushed, and looked down at his shoes.

"Where....where's this hotel?"

I described the city centre place I had in mind, one of those modern, anonymous 'lodge' type hotels. He nodded in recognition.

"Yeah....yeah, I guess that would be alright."

"You wanna, then?" I pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket. "I'll book it now if you want. You'd have to pretend to be my son, or something, though."

"Yeah, go for it! It could be fun!"

****

An hour later, and after feeding him in, predictably enough, McDonalds - why do kids always go for such crap food?! - we let ourselves into the fifth floor family room I'd booked for the night. He'd already told me his mother was working a late shift at an edge of town supermarket, and wouldn't be home until midnight, so, given that it was just after 7:00, we had three or four hours at our disposal. I sat on the bed, but the boy stayed by the door, looking ready to run. I knew I had to try and reassure him that he was, if nothing else, safe in my company.

"Look, I meant what I said, I really won't hurt you. If you've changed your mind, don't worry, I won't be angry, and I definitely won't try and force you to do anything you don't want. If you don't want to do anything, we can just keep each other company for a bit. Your choice, but I'd still love to make you feel good, if you're up for it."

He licked his lips nervously, and nodded. He seemed a little less tense after what I'd said, but he still wasn't ready to commit.

"I'll tell you what," I continued. "I'll go and sit in the chair," pointing to the item of furniture near the window, "and you can sit here, on the bed, so you're nearest to the door. Then if you do want to leave, I won't be able to stop you. OK?"

"Yeah, OK. Sorry, I....I just don't....know....know what to do."

"Just relax, to start with. Let's talk a bit." I got up, and as I'd said to him, made my way to the armchair. He slowly walked to the bed, and perched right on the edge, facing me. "Have you got a girlfriend, or anything?"

"No....I sort of had one a few months ago, but she dumped me for my best mate."

"That's pretty shit. I guess that made things a bit difficult with your mate, too."

"Yeah....we don't talk much now. He's shagged her, and everything! It could've been me!" The hurt and sense of injustice in his voice were crystal clear.

"Don't worry, you're a very good looking guy, you'll find someone else soon, I bet."

"Don't know if I want anyone, if all they do is treat you like shit."

"I know how you feel about that one, at least. I've just got divorced, twenty years trying to be the best husband I could, and then one thing happened, and I'm chucked out the door like a dog turd."

"What happened?"

His question was guileless, and thus inoffensive.

"She....she found out....I'm gay."

I thought he might react badly to my admission, but to my surprise, a grin, almost the first I'd seen since I met him, spread across his face, enhancing his lovely features still further.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, duh, I'd already worked that one out! You don't get many straight guys offering to suck your dick!"

I grinned in return - and in relief. "You'd be surprised! I suppose it was a bit of a giveaway, though!"

His hand moved towards his groin, slowly, and he surreptitiously, as he doubtless thought, adjusted himself. He was getting turned on, I guessed, good news for my cause, without a doubt.

"What's it like?"

"What?"

"Having your dick sucked."

"Well, I can only speak for myself, but I think it's the best feeling you can get, better than shagging, even. If it's done right, that is."

"I think I want....can you?...."

"Suck you? Yeah, I'd love to, if you're sure you want me to."

"Yeah, I do want to. Can we, now?"

"Course! Can I undress you, I think it's really sexy to undress someone."

His eyes grew wide again. "What, everything?!"

"Only if you want to, but yeah, I'd really like that. I haven't seen a boy completely undressed since my honeymoon, and that was only for a few seconds when he got changed by the hotel pool. He wasn't as good-looking as you, either!" A little white lie on my part - he had been better looking, actually, an utterly stunning Scandinavian who I became completely besotted with, but there really wasn't that much difference in attractiveness between him and the boy now sitting three or four paces away from me, and a little flattery wouldn't do any harm, I thought.

"Well....if you want to....that much....OK, yeah!"

"Thanks! Can I come over there, then?"

He nodded, more confidently now, his desire overcoming his misgivings, seemingly. I forced myself not to rush him, ambling the few steps before dropping to my knees in front of him.

"OK? Don't be afraid to say 'no' if you want, I've already promised you I won't be angry, and I mean it."

"No, it's all good. I want you to."

Now it was time for my tongue to instinctively wash across my lips, betraying my own nervousness and need. I began by slipping his trainers and socks off of his feet, pausing for a second to take in my first glimpse of skin previously hidden. I gave each foot a quick peck of my lips in turn, making him giggle.

"God, you are a perv! Into feet, too!"

"Only because they're attached to the rest of you, gorgeous!" He smirked again as I looked up at his face. I rubbed my palms over his bony ankles, moving upwards to the bottom of his calves, then down again. I glanced up once more, and the smirk had been replaced by a look of what appeared to be concentration, as if he was working out whether he was enjoying my touch, or not. I drew back, before moving my hands upwards, towards the hood still covering his head. I carefully folded the cloth back, revealing his hair for the first time. It was boyishly tousled, almost black, and, as I allowed my fingers to brush through it, I found it very thick and soft, almost like cat's fur.

"Don't know why you want to keep this covered up, you've got lovely hair."

He shrugged, but made no further reply. Equally wordlessly, I took hold of the lower hem of his top, and began to move it upwards. He raised his arms without demur, and I quickly lifted the garment over his head and off, revealing a polo shirt with a school logo on the left breast. His arms were, as I would have expected, thin and pale, with a dusting of fine, downy hairs. I slowly stroked down from his biceps to his fingertips, my left hand sliding down his right arm, and vice versa. He shivered a little.

"You OK - still want to carry on, or not?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he breathed. He hesitated for a moment, as though afraid he would give too much away if he said more, before adding, almost in a whisper, "feels good."

Thus encouraged, I pulled his shirt from the waistband of his jeans, and, within seconds, it had followed his hoodie in passing up over his head and onto the bed beside him, leaving him bare-chested. He was a little on the scrawny side, his ribs visible beneath the skin and little in the way of obvious musculature, but the skin itself was silky and hairless, and, to me, a total delight. His tiny nipples were perkily erect, and I couldn't resist the temptation to run the balls of my thumbs across them. He gasped in a huge breath, shuddering violently.

"Bloody hell! I knew girls had sensitive tits, but, wow! I didn't expect that!"

"I told you boys know what boys like!" I grinned. "See what you think of this!"

I moved closer to him, and before he could shy away, I took his left nipple between my lips, sucking it gently, before allowing the tip of my tongue to flick at the little button. He squeaked in surprise, then moaned as I pulled away.

"Oh, don't stop, that felt....fucking brilliant!" I looked up at him and winked, before moving back in, this time repeating the treatment on his right nipple. He squirmed, and moaned again. I continued my oral ministrations, gently, slowly, at the same time allowing my hands to move lower, stroking his stomach softly en route to the top of his jeans. Still suckling, I undid the button and slid the zip downwards. He lifted his hips without hesitation, allowing me to lower the denim trousers towards his ankles. My eyes could hardly focus as I looked down, given that I still had his rock hard nub of flesh between my lips, but the very obvious bulge in his underwear illustrated both his excitement, and the fact that, for such a slightly built boy, he seemed to be very respectably endowed. I released him from between my lips, eliciting another sigh, a mixture of pleasure and frustration that I'd stopped. I removed his jeans completely and laid them aside, before settling back on my haunches, looking up intently into his face.

"The moment of truth, sweetie. Are you ready?"

He almost gushed in his enthusiasm. "Oh God, yeah! If it felt that good on my tits, I can't wait to see what it feels like on my prick! Go for it!"

"Lay back on the bed, then. It'll be more comfortable for both of us."

He wriggled up the bed, propping the pillow up so his head was raised higher, wanting to see the action, I guessed. I climbed onto the large double beside him, taking hold of the elastic waistband of his underwear, a questioning look on my face. He nodded excitedly, raising his buttocks off of the duvet. I needed no further encouragement, and quickly slid his last garment down his legs, tossing it aside. Now it was my turn to gasp. His penis, rock hard and throbbing, must have been almost six inches long, if rather thin, appearing huge on his small frame. He did indeed have a goodly amount of pubic hair around the base of his shaft, certainly more than I remembered having at his age.

"See, I ain't a little boy, am I?!"

"Definitely not! That's some weapon you're packing!" He giggled, the sound an unexpected child-like counterpoint to his almost adult looking genitals. "That girl's really missed out on something good!"

He beamed at my compliments, before sucking in a ragged breath as I took his erection between my fingers, sliding his foreskin back and forth a few times, to satisfy myself that there wouldn't be any discomfort for him through tightness. The hood slid back easily, and I retracted it fully without any apparent problems on his part. He tensed, just a little, as I began to lower my head towards his purplish glans, holding his breath in anticipation of first contact. I allowed my breath to wash warmly over him for a second or two, before pressing my lips against his frenulum, kissing the rigid flesh lightly. He shivered, and let out all the air he'd been holding within for the previous few moments in a huge sigh. My tongue poked out from between my lips, and began massaging the groove at the base of his glans, before proceeding to lick around his thin corona. He groaned as sparks of feeling rippled through his flesh. I lowered my head a little further, and, for the first time, took the head of his penis fully into my mouth, relishing the taste and texture of it. It pulsed and throbbed strongly, and I held him still, not wanting him to cum yet, before I'd had the chance to build his pleasure. Once I judged that he wasn't going to boil over straight away, I began to move, small, slow bobs of my head at first, my tongue flicking around his glans as my lips gradually increased the stimulation of his shaft. Within a minute or two, he was panting, his hips undulating instinctively, helping to move his stone-hard boyhood in and out of my eager mouth. He seemed to know that if he could hold back as long as possible, the ultimate moment of release would be all the better, and he did, indeed, last quite a bit longer than I thought he might for his first time, but, all too soon for both of us, the inevitable could be postponed no longer. He forced himself almost violently towards the back of my throat, his penis seemed to harden and thicken still further, before unleashing a series of huge jerks, the first three or four accompanied by spurts of sweet, creamy semen, coating my tongue with its delicious taste and texture. Still his orgasm continued, a dozen or more pulses in all, gradually weakening, along with his groans of rapture. He slumped back onto the mattress, but made no attempt to withdraw from my mouth, so I simply held him where he was, almost unmoving, but continuing with very small, gentle strokes and sucks around his still almost fully erect penis. He wriggled a little, but didn't ask me to stop, and as the seconds passed, I gradually increased the speed and pressure, his hips beginning to move again in time with my stimulation. It wasn't long before I was back to full pace, the boy once more moaning his delight. He crashed into a second orgasm, the pulsations of his penis just as strong as before, although his ejaculation was restricted to a few droplets spitting out onto my tongue. This time, I made no effort to slow down, continuing to lick and suck greedily at his sensitive flesh as he writhed and whimpered below me, until he could finally take no more, and begged me to stop. I did so, albeit reluctantly, after a final broad swipe of my tongue across his glans to make sure I'd left none of his delicious boy juice unsampled, making him shudder powerfully.

"Fucking hell!" he panted out. "That was unbelievable!"

I grinned at him, ostentatiously licking my lips. "Enjoy that, then?!"

"Fuck, yeah, I've never felt anything like that in my life! I haven't cummed twice in a row like that since before I started spunking! Wicked!"

"Glad you liked it! God. I'm as horny as hell myself, I need to get off!"

He instantly looked scared. "I....I don't have to do....that to you, do I?"

"No, no, course not, unless you wanted to. I'll just have a wank."

His expression turned to one of relief. "Sorry....I just don't think....I could suck anyone....it's not just you, it's...." His voice tailed off.

"Too gay for you?"

"Yeah....I guess so. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it! I've had a great time just making you feel good. I'm nearly cumming in my pants, though - do you mind if I look after myself, or would you rather I did it in the bathroom?"

He hesitated for a moment, before surprising greatly me with his next statement.

"I....I'll give you a wank, if you want."

"If....if you're sure you don't mind....yeah, I'd love that. Only if you're certain, though - I'm not a molester, any more than you're gay. I really don't mind if you don't want to."

"Nah, it's good - you made me feel fantastic, I want to do something for you, too."

I looked him in the eye, tenderly. He smiled. "OK, thanks, I'd really like that."

"Get 'em off, then, I can't do it through your trousers!"

I undressed quickly, and laid down on the bed. I couldn't remember being harder in my life, as the boy knelt beside me, eyes locked on my groin. My penis was no longer than his, but perhaps twice the thickness.

"It looks....different. Different to mine, I mean."

I guessed what was causing his confusion. "I'm circumcised. Haven't you seen one like that before?"

"No....I don't think so. What does circumcised mean?"

"It means I had an operation to have my foreskin removed. Some boys or men have to have it done, because the foreskin is too tight, and won't pull back properly. I had it done when I was a baby, so I don't remember anything about it. Some people have it done because of their religion, too. If you pull your foreskin right back, yours won't look that different to mine."

He did just that, glancing from one organ to the other. "Oh yeah, I see. Are you ready for me to wank you now?"

"You're not kidding! I might explode if you wait much longer!"

He grinned, and I gasped in a huge breath as his small, soft hand gripped my penis, and began the movements so familiar to almost every boy, or man. I asked him to adjust his grip and speed to maximise my pleasure, which he willingly did, and it wasn't long before I felt the unstoppable onset of my climax begin to rush through my body. I warned him I was about to cum, at which he sped up his caresses, until I simply erupted in searing pleasure. My semen spat into the air, coating my penis and his hand, and, as I'd done with his second orgasm, he just kept going, until I pleaded for mercy. He smirked mischievously as he gave my over-sensitive flesh a couple of final squeezes, making me groan aloud, before releasing me from his sweetly torturing grip.

"Good one?"

"Oh God, yeah, bloody wonderful. Thank you!"

He suddenly looked pensive again. "What's up?"

"I....I've never done that to anyone else before. Didn't think I ever would. I....I....liked it, though, liked doing it. Maybe I'm....queer, and didn't even know it."

I laid my hand, reassuringly, I hoped, on his shoulder. "I don't think for a minute that you're gay. You're just a horny boy, getting and giving, sharing some pleasure. It's just a bit of fun, that's all. I already knew, when I was your age, that I was gay, but that was different, that was inside me. I didn't want it to be true, but I couldn't wish it away. And you can't wish away being straight. It's not like something you can switch on and off, it just is."

He smiled wanly. "I'd better wash my hands. I'm covered in your spunk!"

"Yeah, I think I need a quick shower myself! I haven't cummed that much for years!"

Ten minutes later, as I emerged from the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed, fully dressed.

"Look....I think I'd better go home. It's been great, really fun, but....I'd just better go."

"Of course, whatever you want, sweetie. Do you want me to order you a taxi?"

"Nah, I'll get the bus. You don't see many taxis round our way, and the nosey old cow next door would tell my mum straight away if she saw me getting out of one. I've got a bus pass, anyway."

"I'll walk to the bus stop with you, then - if you just walk out on your own, the receptionist might think something funny's going on. Is there a bus due?"

He glanced at the bedside clock. "About twenty minutes."

"Fine - I'll just get dried and dressed, and we can go."

Fifteen minutes later, we strolled the couple of hundred yards to the bus stop. No-one else was waiting for the service, so I ventured to put my hand on his shoulder again.

"Thanks so much, it's been great. I didn't tell you in the room, but it's the first time I've ever done anything with a boy - or a man, for that matter. It's something I've always wanted to do, though, ever since I was your age. You've helped me fulfil one of my greatest ambitions, I'm so grateful to you."

Even in the yellowish glow of the streetlights, I could see him blush. "Your first time? Bloody hell, the way you sucked me, I thought you'd done it hundreds of times!"

"Nope - I've been sucked, but only by a woman. I just did what I know I like. I'm glad you liked it, too."

He grinned, one last time. "Fuck knows how good you'll be if you get some practice, then!" I laughed out loud as the bus approached.

"See ya!"

"See you later, sweetie." He boarded the bus without looking back. I hadn't even asked his name, nor he mine.

****

I had not the slightest expectation that I ever would see him again. But that expectation was proved wrong. Just once. I was back in the city around eighteen months later, for one of my fairly regular trips to visit my daughter. As I walked up through the main shopping area on a summer Saturday lunchtime, preparing to meet my girl as she finished her shift at her part-time job, I saw him. He was walking towards me, hand in hand with an attractive blonde girl, around the same age as himself. He was several inches taller, and had a much shorter haircut, too short, really, his former boyish mop had suited him much better, but it was undoubtedly him. He spotted me at almost the same moment, and looked startled, as, no doubt, did I. A few paces before we drew level, his girlfriend released his hand and turned towards the display in a shoe shop window. As soon as she looked away from him, he broke into a huge grin, which I returned in kind. As I passed him, he murmured, almost inaudibly.

"She's good, but she ain't as good as you!"

"Thanks....I think! Enjoy!"

He grinned again, and joined the girl in perusing the display. I never saw him again.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Saved

When I thought about you leaving
My heart grew cold inside
Never thought I could carry on
Without your light to guide

Now all is done and gone, though
The silken cord's been cut
You've passed over my horizon
And all I feel is saved

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Acid

The place. I hate it, hate myself because of it, but it turns me inside out, every single time. Even when I simply think about it. It's got right inside my head, like a parasite, and won't let go. It's turned out to be something I've got no defences against, at all. It's like the worst kind of addiction, soul-destroying, but irresistible. Sweet, dark acid, eating away inside, leaving the surface, the facade the world sees, untouched, but destroying all structure within, leaving nothing but a roiling, churning mess of desire, of self-loathing. Not a step, but a leap closer to the precipice.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Moth

I can't believe it! I'm here again. It was chance the first time, a complete accident, I'd strayed from my usual path, not by far, but far enough to bring me to a place I'd never seen, never really wanted to see. But once seen, this place of dark enchantment has become unforgettable, irresistible. Like a fishhook in my mind, the barbs so deeply embedded that no matter how I twist and turn, I'm still reeled in inexorably, still find myself back where I'd vowed never to be again.

And he's here, of course. Where else would he be? He doesn't know I'm watching him, how could he? What would he think of me if he did know? Would he feel contempt, revulsion, hatred? No more than I feel towards myself, that's certain. But then that is forgotten, as he climbs his path towards heaven. And I'm right beside him, seeming to be close enough to touch, but, in reality, half the universe away, feeling what he feels, my rapture entwined with his, but utterly separate, vicarious. As his moment approaches, his head falls back, his eyes sightless, his mouth falling open, soundless but for his panting breath, and then all the world is subsumed in waves of pleasure, for him and for me. All too soon, though, the ecstatic moment is over, and, for me, the guilt, the shame, the panicked fear of discovery rush in to take its place. I must get away, as far and fast as I can! As I make good that desire to escape, I promise myself, fervently, desperately, never again, I cannot, must not return, but even as the thought is born in my mind, I know it's a promise I can never keep. I'll be back, soon, very soon.

Like a moth to the flame.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Festive

A waft of scent drifted past where we were sitting, at a table in a raised area of the bar, its source uncertain. One of those 'natural essence' kind of fragrances, with a very obvious pine note. Our eyes met, and it seemed like we were both having the same thought at the same time.

"Smells like Christmas trees," I mused.

He smiled, the smile of someone for whom the childish delight at the wonders of Christmas was a relatively recent, and happy memory. Even if his life had taken several turns for the worse since.

"Yeah, I was trying to think of what that smell reminded me of, and you're dead right!" His smile faded abruptly, though, as if the pain in his soul was fiercely determined not to let him dwell on anything remotely pleasant, determined to torment him in full measure.

"I guess I'm too old for Christmas now, though. It wouldn't be the same, anyway."

I reached across the table, took his hands in mine.

"No, it won't be the same, but that doesn't mean it has to be worse. You're never too old for Christmas! It's a couple of months away yet, but why don't we try and make it the best ever. For both of us. We've both had tough times lately, you more so than me, I know that, so I think we both deserve something special. Just for once, I've got enough money in the bank to splash out, so why not? What do you say?"

He looked into my eyes, pensively, as though he couldn't believe that anything good could ever happen to him again.

"I....I don't know....I don't want to waste all your money, not when I can't give you....give you anything in return."

"You give me, you've already given me, more than you know. I'd lost everything, everything that mattered, anyway, as well, and you've given me something far more precious than anything money could ever buy." He looked at me quizzically. "You've given me a reason to live, to want to live. I'm not asking, I'll never ask, for anything more than that. If I can help you to find a happy place, to start your life afresh, then that will be one of the greatest things, maybe the greatest thing, I've ever done in my life."

He was silent, for a long time, his eyes misty. "You....you really mean it?" he said, finally.

"Of course I mean it. You're a wonderful, talented young man, and if I can do my small part to allow you to fulfil your potential, then that's what I want to do."

The light seemed to slowly come back on in his eyes, as though the inner boy had broken free of the straitjacket of despair that had imprisoned him for so long. "Can we have a big tree, and candles, and chocolates, and all that stuff?"

"Of course! And turkey and mince pies, and walnuts in a bowl, too! Let's do it all!"

"Yeah! It's gonna be great!" There was a hiatus, as though the next thought was almost too difficult for him to process. Hesitantly, tentatively, though, he turned it into words.

"Can we....can we have....hugs, too?"

"That will be the best present of all. No-one is ever too old to have a hug. Why wait till Christmas, though, why not right now?"

And so, right there, in the middle of a crowded London pub, we stood and wrapped each other in a warm, timeless embrace. At length, his gaze engaged mine again, and he smiled, as though he'd just relearned how.

"Thank you, Sammy....for everything."

"No, thank you, Daniel, for making it worthwhile again."

A single, happy tear ran down my cheek, and dripped onto the table, forming a tiny puddle. Reflecting the light like a Christmas decoration.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Never

Waking alone, stranded in a landscape of solitude
The lost boy inside howls in despair and pain
But the world doesn't care, on the outside he's a man
And the mirage he's been chasing for all these years
Is forbidden territory for ever, all that's left
Is a lifetime of contemplation of that most awful word
Redolent of hopelessness, terrifying, soul-destroying
Dripping with implacable finality, painted in darkness

Never

****

Love & best wishes to all

Sammy B

Diary

Author's note: This story includes explicit sexual content, involving descriptions of contact between an adult male and a boy below the age of consent. If you find this in any way offensive or distasteful, please read no further, and/or if it is illegal for you to read such material in your jurisdiction due to age or domicile, please read no further. The author does not condone or promote any illegal activity. This story is entirely a product of my imagination, no minors were involved in any way in its compilation, and the characters and actions portrayed are entirely fictitious. The characters in this story may not engage in safe sex, because, being fictitious, they don't need to. You, as a real person, do.

****


I can't believe what happened today! I don't bloody believe it! My big bro....has....got....a....boyfriend!! Well, it looks like he has, anyway. I know he's gay, right, he told me months ago, even Mum and Dad know that, and they're fine with it, but knowing about something is way different to seeing it for yourself. Specially when you get back from swimming a bit early....and they're....snogging....on the sofa in the front room!! Chrissy had a huge bulge in the front of his jeans! And so did Si! I like Si, he's a really nice guy, so's Chrissy, too, I'm lucky to have such a great brother, some of my mates who have older brothers say what arseholes they are, so I know I'm a lot better off than most.

Anyway, if I'm going to write about all this stuff, and make it like a diary, or something, I'd better tell you a bit about me, and my bro, too. I'm Cameron, but no-one calls me that, except Mum and Dad when they're telling me off - everyone calls me Cammy. I'm 11, I'll be 12 just before Christmas. My brother, who's 15, is Christian, but good friends, and family - including me, of course - call him Chrissy. We live with our Mum and Dad, in a really nice house in West London, not far from the river. We're not rich, but we're definitely not poor, either, so I'm lucky in that way, too. Dad works in the City - no, he's not a greedy banker, by the way, just a hard working accountant - and Mum's a supply teacher, so she works some weeks, but not others, and gets school holidays off, which is pretty good, usually, because it means we get to do stuff and go places rather than just sitting around getting bored like some kids. Chrissy and I will be going to the same school after this summer holiday, because I've just finished primary. Chrissy is really clever, way at the top of his class in nearly every subject, and goes on 'gifted and talented' things all the time. That's how he met Si, Simon, that is, because Si lives a few miles away from us, and goes to a different school, they were both on a science course at one of the London Uni places a few months ago. Si is nearly 15, too, Chrissy says his birthday is in October, so he's in year 10 after the holidays, Chrissy will be in year 11.

Anyway, back to today. When I came in the front door, they can't have heard me, because they just carried on with....what they were doing, they didn't know I was there until I went in the front room. And I didn't know they were there, either, so it wasn't like I was spying on them. They didn't shout at me, or anything, like I said, they're both really nice guys, just looked....embarrassed. I said sorry for disturbing them, and went straight to my room. 'Cos I was pretty embarrassed, too! They went out not long after, I heard the front door go, and then, about half an hour later, Chrissy came back on his own. He came and knocked on my door - Mum and Dad always make us knock on bedroom or bathroom doors, if they're closed, and they always knock, too, they say everyone's entitled to their privacy - so I told him to come in. I started to say sorry again, in case he was mad at me, but he said not to worry, it wasn't my fault, they should've gone to his room. He asked me....what I thought about....what I'd seen. I said I was pretty surprised, because I thought Si was just another one of his friends - he has three or four mates who come round to our house quite often - but I wasn't bothered about it. It wasn't as though I didn't know he was gay, like I said. I asked him if Si was his....boyfriend. Chrissy said....he hoped so, 'cos he really likes Si, but that Si had to talk about it with....someone else, first. I asked Chrissy if he knew what that was all about, but he said no, Si had said he'd tell him everything once he'd had chance to think and talk about it. So it looks like Si has got a boyfriend already, maybe. You see boyfriends and girlfriends splitting up and then going out with someone else all the time, so I suppose it's the same for gay guys, too. Anyway, whatever happens, I'm not going to be nosey - if Chrissy wants to tell me stuff, he knows he can, and he knows I won't tell anyone else if he doesn't want me to, but if he doesn't want to tell me, that's all good, too. He's the same way with me. Like I say, he's a great big bro.

****

Chrissy looks really, really happy tonight. He went out this afternoon, for an hour or so. He looked mega-nervous when he went out, and not much better when he got back. But then I heard his phone ring - my room's next to his, and he always has his ringtone on really loud, in case he's listening to music, or something like that - and, the next time I saw him, he was really smiley and relaxed. Looks like he's had some good news.

****

It's official! Chrissy is going out with Si! He told me just now. He's told me a really big secret, though, too, about Si - it's alright, though, Si said he could tell me, as long as I don't tell anyone else. Si knows I can keep things quiet. It's a bit weird, though, I don't know what to think about it. Si did have a....friend, but not a boyfriend. It's a man....a fifty-odd year old man. I thought older men who liked boys were always creepy and disgusting, but Chrissy went with Si to meet this guy - he's called Tony - and says he's really, really nice, he loves Si to bits, but he's really happy that Si has found someone his own age to be with. Si told Chrissy that he'd been seeing Tony for about two years, so that means he was only 12 when they met. I'm nearly 12. It's made me think about stuff. About what I want to do. 'Cos I'm starting to wonder....when I see guys at swimming, in the changing rooms and stuff, I get....hard, sometimes. That time I saw Si and Chrissy in the front room....I got really hard. So, maybe....I might be gay, too. I'm going to talk to Chrissy about it, soon.

****

I've just had a long talk with Si and Chrissy. Chrissy and I went swimming, we didn't have much else to do, 'cos Mum was on a course today, then Si came and met us afterwards. We went to the park by the river, and sat on one of the benches. We were just talking about general things at first, but then Si said something about Tony, so I thought it might be a good time to ask about....well, gay stuff. They were both really helpful, they didn't mind talking about it - I bet lots of guys would have just found it too embarrassing. Si's read loads about it on the net, 'cos he said he felt different right back to when he was in primary, but he was scared by it, and he wanted to try and find out more. Si said he thought he was gay when he was about my age, but he wasn't sure. He's sure now, though, he said. Chrissy said he didn't think about it much until about a year or so ago, when some of his mates started getting serious girlfriends. He went out with this girl, Sarah, for a while, I met her a couple of times, she was pretty good looking, but he said that when they were kissing and all that, it didn't feel right to him, he couldn't explain it any better than that. Then he went to a party, and met a guy called Paul, they ended up....sort of....snogging. Chrissy said he found it way more....exciting than being with Sarah, so then he started trying to find out more about it, too. He even talked to Mum about it, I don't think I'd have had the bottle to do that, even though Mum's really nice and easy to talk to. Anyway, Si and Chrissy both told me not to worry too much about it, lots of boys like other boys when they're younger, and still end up straight, but if I was gay, it wasn't a big deal, I was still the same person who could do the same stuff as I do now. I wasn't really that worried, 'cos I'm probably too young to do sex stuff in any case, but it's still good to have someone to talk to about it. And if I get hard-ons at swimming, it doesn't mean much - except that I'm a typical horny boy!

****

I had another talk today, but just with Si this time. He came round to see Chrissy after school - we started back a couple of weeks ago - but Chrissy was late getting back, 'cos he had a meeting with some other guys and one of the teachers about starting a chess club, and then his bus got stuck in a traffic jam, there'd been an accident, or something. He texted Si, and told him to wait for him at ours. So, 'cos I was already in, we started talking. Like I said before, I'm not usually nosey, but I....wanted to ask Si something, so I said did he mind, and he said he didn't. So I asked him....about Tony, about how they met, and stuff. Si looked really seriously at me, and said he'd tell me, but I had to promise never to say anything about it to anyone else, even by accident. I asked why, and he said Tony could get into really big trouble, even go to prison, if anyone found out, and that Tony was his best friend and he really loved him, and Tony really loved Si, too. Si said that he never wanted anything bad to happen to Tony, and that was why I had to promise. So I did. Then Si told me how they first met, Si noticed Tony looking at him while he was walking past a pub where Tony was having a drink on a sunny afternoon, Si smiled at him, Tony smiled back, and they just started talking, mostly about football. Then, after a few weeks of getting to know each other, and after Si had found a website with stories about boys and men doing sex stuff, Si went down to Tony's place - he lives about 20 miles away, down in Surrey, but he works near where Si lives - and Si asked Tony if he'd teach him about sex. Tony didn't want to, at first, not because he didn't fancy Si, but because he didn't want to hurt him. Si persuaded him, though, and he said that Tony taught him all sorts of stuff, and they did most of it! Si said how much fun it was, and how much they both liked it. Now that Si is going out with Chrissy, though, he doesn't do stuff with Tony anymore - Tony said that was the right thing to do. They're still best friends, though. As Si was telling me about it, I started to feel really strange, sort of excited and nervous and fluttery inside all at the same time - and really, really horny! After Chrissy got in, Si went up to his room with him, and I was left in the front room on my own. And I started thinking. About Tony. And me.

****

It's Mum and Dad's twentieth wedding anniversary this weekend, and they're going to a classical music concert, one they both really want to see, on Sunday. But it's in Birmingham, so they'll be gone all day, and not back until late at night. They had a talk with Chrissy and I about what we wanted to do, and we decided we'd have a quiet day at home, but that we wanted to go out somewhere for lunch, because neither of us can cook much, and we didn't just want to go to McDonalds or somewhere like that. So they reserved a table for us at a restaurant we've been to with them before. Chrissy asked if Si could go, and they said yes, so they ended up getting a table for four, in case I wanted to invite someone, too. And there was somebody I wanted to invite, but not somebody Mum and Dad would expect. Or be very pleased about, I suppose. Si and I had talked about it, and Si said he thought it would work out alright. Chrissy was OK with it, too. Because I've decided I want to meet Tony. And ask him something.

****

I got really nervous yesterday, thinking about meeting Tony, and saying what I want to say to him. I've told Si and Chrissy about it, so they won't get a surprise, Si grinned when I told him, he said he thinks Tony will be happy, but he told me as well not to be too disappointed if it doesn't go like I hope it will. My nerves have gone away now, I've got it all sorted in my head. Chrissy's calling me, it's time to go to the restaurant.

****

Wow! Wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW! Now I know what all the fuss is about!

Today has just been amazing, about the most amazing day of my life so far. We went out just after midday, our table was booked for 12:30. Chrissy and I walked down there, and met Si outside. I must've looked disappointed when I didn't see Tony, but Si said not to worry, he'll be here in a few minutes, he's on his way on the bus. We went in and found our table, and then this guy walked into the restaurant. I didn't think it was him at first, because he didn't look that old at all - he was pretty tall, and a bit fat, but not gross or anything, a little bit of grey hair, but mostly brown, hardly any wrinkles or anything. He didn't look any older than my dad, who's 45. Then he saw Si, and smiled, really smiled - you could tell straight away how much he loves Si. But then he saw me. He just looked and looked. As though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Mum has always said I'm really good looking, but mums say that kind of stuff all the time, so I've never taken much notice. I looked at Si, and he was grinning like a maniac. Then Si introduced us - he told Tony my full name, so I decided to tell him straight away to call me Cammy, and then I just kept talking, I didn't feel shy or nervous or anything, Tony just didn't make me feel that way. I said Si had told me all about him, and that I wanted him to teach me the things that he's taught Si, if he didn't mind, and that we were all going back to ours after lunch, because Mum and Dad weren't there, so we could get to know each other better. Tony just looked gobsmacked for a minute, but then I saw Si wink at him, and Tony got a big smile on his face. I knew then that things were going to be alright. I didn't know how good it was going to get, though.

Lunch was OK, but I didn't pay too much attention to it - I was a bit impatient, I suppose, and wanted to get back home, to see what would happen. The others took their time, though, so I just had to wait until they were ready. Tony was a bit worried about going back to ours, in case anyone saw him and told Mum and Dad, but Si and Chrissy said it would be OK, they'd just say he was Si's uncle, or something, if anyone asked, 'cos no-one round our way knows Si apart from us, anyway. In the end, we got home at about 3:00. Si and Chrissy went up to Chrissy's room more or less straight away, 'cos they wanted some private time, so I was left in the front room with Tony. He sat on the sofa, so I went and sat next to him. We talked a little bit, about nothing, really, but then he asked me what I meant in the restaurant, what sort of things did I think he could teach me. Just for a minute, I felt butterflies in my tummy, but Tony's voice was so kind and gentle that they soon went away, and I was able to tell him....what I was thinking about. He asked me....if I knew what a boylover was, so I said, yeah, sort of, a man who likes to do sex stuff with boys. Then he said it wasn't just about sex, it was about loving and caring for boys, too, and not doing anything that would hurt a boy, never doing anything that the boy didn't want. Then he asked me if I'd ever done anything, any sex stuff, so I said no, not really, just getting hard-ons, and touching myself a bit....but I wanted to do more. I sort of snuggled up against him, and he put his arm around me. I looked up at him, and he smiled, and I just felt....loved and wanted. It was great. I knew what I wanted to do, so I did it. I reached up and kissed him. He smiled again, and hugged me closer. I felt so relaxed, and I was starting to get....excited, too. I whispered in Tony's ear that I was....really hard, and that I wanted him....to touch me. He asked me if I was really sure, and I said I was. I took his hand, and put it in my lap. He started to stroke me gently, through my trousers. Even that felt really good, but I guessed it would feel even better if he could touch right on my....dick, so I undid the button and zip, and pushed my bum off the seat so I could pull my trousers and undies down and take them off. Tony stopped, and just looked at me, looked at my....boy bits, like he'd never seen anything so nice in his life. I'm not very big down there, it's only about seven or eight centimetres long, even when it's hard, and I haven't got any hairs yet, but Chrissy told me he was like that until he was about 13, and then his started growing really quickly, so I'm not worried about it, or anything. In any case, like I said, Tony seemed to like it. He asked if he could touch it, so I said, yeah, of course, that was what I wanted him to do. He started rubbing it softly, between one of his fingers and his thumb, moving the skin backwards and forwards over the head part. I couldn't believe how good it felt, it was like I was itching inside, and Tony's hand was scratching the itch. Then he started concentrating on the underneath of it, where the skin joins, running his fingertip over that bit, and that felt even better! I started to get this really weird feeling inside me, sort of mega-ticklish, sort of like I really badly needed to pee, but I knew it wasn't that, I wasn't actually going to pee. Then it happened! It was like my insides were exploding, my dick felt like it was melting, it started jerking all over the place. It was soooo good, and it kept going for what felt like ages, then stopped for a few seconds, but Tony was still stroking gently, and it started again! It wasn't quite as good as the first one, and didn't last as long, but it was still pretty bloody fantastic! This time, though, it started to feel too tickly, so I asked Tony to stop for a minute. He cuddled me again, and asked if I'd ever had that feeling before, so I said no, but I wanted to have it again, really soon!! He explained what had happened, that I'd had an....orgasm - two, actually, he said sometimes boys who hadn't started making sperms yet could have more than one at a time, but once the sperms, and the stuff they swim in, start coming out, most older boys and men had to wait a while to recover in between. I was still just as hard as before, and the tickling had gone away, so I asked Tony to make me have another one. He said he was going to show me something different, and that I wasn't to worry, he wouldn't hurt me. And then he did something I couldn't believe! He knelt down in front of me, and put my dick in his mouth! Then he started licking and sucking it, and I really couldn't believe it, because it felt ten times better than when he was doing it with his fingers! It felt so good, I couldn't even think straight, it was like his mouth and my dick were the only things in the whole world. It went on getting better and better, until I didn't think I could stand it anymore. I nearly told him to stop, but then I started having another orgasm thing, and this one was huge! I felt like I was turning inside out! It soon got too tickly again, though, but Tony seemed to know, and he stopped sucking, and just held it still in his mouth for a few seconds, then let me go. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and I nearly did both, but, in the end, I just put my arms around Tony's neck, and kissed him. He opened his mouth a bit, and I could feel his tongue on my lips, so I sort of copied him, and our tongues touched together softly. It felt really nice, really....sexy, like we couldn't get any closer together. Tony laid down on the rug in front of the sofa, and I laid on top of him. We kissed a few times, then he lifted my head up a little bit, and looked at me really seriously. He asked me if I was still sure about doing stuff, and did I know that I could say 'no' or 'stop' whenever I wanted. So I said I did, but I said that if sex was this much fun all the time, I never wanted to stop! We laid there and talked for a while, I asked Tony some questions, and he explained everything to me, told me the proper words, like penis, and semen, for sex things, but he told me the slang words too - I'd heard quite a few of them at school, but didn't know what some of them meant. My dick had gone soft for a while, but it started to get hard again, especially when Tony was stroking my back, and down onto my bum. I wriggled about a bit, and that was when I noticed his hard-on pressing against my leg. It made me feel a bit selfish, that I'd had all that fun and the great feelings, while he'd had nothing, so I asked him if I could see his....dick, and touch it, and make him feel good, too. He said he'd had loads of fun making me feel good, and that I never had to think I had to do anything for him, just because he'd done stuff for me. I told him I wanted to, though - I wanted to see what his looked like, apart from anything else. I'd had a few glimpses of older guys getting changed at the pool, and even my dad a couple of times, but I'd never really had the chance to properly look at grown-up bits. Especially not a grown-up with a hard-on. It looked pretty big from the bulge in his trousers, but Chrissy's bulge when he was horny was just as big. I asked Tony about that, and he said his wasn't that long, for a grown-up, a bit below average, but pretty fat. I asked if I could see it, and he said yes, if I wanted to, so I undid his trousers and pulled them down about halfway, and then pulled his undies down too. He had loads of hair down there, and his dick was just like he'd said, short but fat - and very hard. I squeezed it a bit, and he smiled, and then I started to stroke it, like he'd done to me before. My fingers only just about went all the way around it. There was some slippery stuff leaking out of the pee hole, and I asked Tony if that was semen, but he said no, that was something that the body made to help the penis slide in more easily when a man had sex, and that most people called it 'precum'. The actual semen came out when a man had his orgasm. I asked if he was going to have an orgasm, and he said he would soon if I kept making him feel as good as I was doing, but I didn't have to. I liked the feeling of his dick in my hand, though, it was hard inside, but the skin was really smooth and silky, and I liked the idea of making him feel good, too, so I said I wanted to carry on. He smiled again, and said thank you, and that he'd warn me when it was about to happen, because he thought it was going to be a big one, and it could get pretty messy. I stroked it a bit faster, and his breathing got faster, too, and then he said he was 'cumming', so I went even faster. He pulled his shirt up out of the way, and then his dick jerked, really strongly, in my hand, and this white gooey stuff shot out, way up in the air, then landed on my hand and his bits. It made me jump, and I took my hand away, but his dick kept on jerking, four or five more times, more of the stuff coming out with each jerk. The last couple were just little dribbles, though, and then it stopped. There was loads, it looked like, all over Tony's dick and hairs, and even up on his tummy. Tony got his breath back, and said thank you to me, said how great I'd made him feel. I sort of sniffed at the stuff that had gone on my hand, it smelled different from anything else I'd smelt before, and it made me wonder what it might taste like, so I just licked a tiny bit, but I didn't like it much. I told Tony, and he said if I didn't like it, I didn't have to have it in my mouth, that anyone doing any sex stuff should only do what they're comfortable with, and no-one should ever try and force them to do anything they weren't happy to do. I looked around for something to clean up with, but there wasn't much I could use, so I quickly went in the kitchen, even though I didn't have any trousers or undies on, and got some paper towels. We both cleaned Tony's stuff off of us, and then laid down and cuddled again. It was like hugging a big, warm teddy bear, I loved it, and I loved it when Tony started getting hard again, it was really sexy to feel his dick growing against my leg, it made me get really hard again, too. He gently put his hand down over my bum and between my legs, and stroked his fingers across the underneath of my balls and the bit between there and my bum hole, and even on my bum hole itself. It tickled, but it was such a nice tickle, it made me feel great. I asked him if he wouldn't mind sucking me again, because that was the best feeling I'd ever had, and he said of course he didn't mind, he loved making me feel good. He got me to slide up and sit on his chest, and we put some cushions on the floor to lift his head up a bit, and he got me in his mouth again. He went really slowly, made it last ages, and it felt fantastic, almost like I was having one long nearly-orgasm, but then it suddenly washed over me like a big wave, and I was....cumming, and cumming, and cumming some more. I think I had two orgasms again, but it was all just so good it was difficult to tell. After I'd finished, Tony just held me in his mouth for a long time, until it started to go soft, then he kissed the end of it, and let me go. My body still felt like there were echoes of the orgasm going through it, I felt all warm and tingly, and really sleepy. Tony whispered that we should get dressed, and then we could hug some more, if I wanted to, so we did, and laid back on the sofa. The next thing I remember, I woke up to see Si and Chrissy looking down at me, smiling. Tony was smiling, too, like he couldn't get any happier. Then it was time for Si and Tony to go, so we all walked down to the bus stop together. I really wanted to kiss Tony goodbye, but I knew I couldn't, not out in the street, so I just gave him a quick hug, like he was my uncle or something, and he gently mussed my hair. I said I wanted to see him again, really soon, and he said he wanted to see me again, too, and he'd see what he could work out. I nearly cried when the bus went, and he waved, but, when I thought about what had happened, and how much fun it had all been, I got a huge grin on my face, instead.

And now it's bedtime, and writing about today has made me really horny again. But now Tony has taught me how, I know exactly what to do about that!!

****

I'm going Christmas shopping with Si and Chrissy on Saturday afternoon - at least, that's what Mum and Dad think. What's really happening is that I'm going to meet up with Tony when he finishes work at lunchtime, and going down to his place for the afternoon, then coming back at teatime to meet up with Si and Chrissy again. They're going to do my shopping for me, I've made a list. I've managed to see Tony a couple of times since half term, including one really fun day when we all went to Si's house when his mum and dad were at work, but it's turned out to be harder than I thought for us to get together. Like Si said, Tony could really get in trouble over all this, so we have to be mega-careful. I'm really looking forward to Saturday, though. Si showed me the website, the one with the stories he read before he started doing sex stuff with Tony, some of the stories are really horrible, with boys getting hurt, and treated really badly, but some of them are really sexy, and loving at the same time, and that's how Tony is with me, and Si says he was just the same with him, too. There's one thing I really want to try, but Si said Tony probably won't do it. I've been sort of....practising, though, and it feels really good, so I'm going to ask him anyway. If he says no, then I'll have to accept that. I hope he says yes, though.

****

Yesssss! It's been another 'WOW!' day, it's been so much fun!

Like Si guessed, Tony did say no - at first, anyway. He said he would hurt me, badly, and there was no way he would ever do that. So I told him about my 'practice', about what I'd done, and how much I liked it, and how I really wanted to do it for real, with him. He said no again, but I could tell he was at least thinking about it, and that he probably did want to do it, really, but was just being kind and thinking of me and not wanting to hurt me. So I said let's try, and if it hurts, I'll tell you, and we can stop. He didn't say anything to that, so I sort of....took charge. He had some....lube stuff in the drawer of his bedside table, so I made myself and him really slippery, and I got on top. It was a bit fiddly trying to get everything lined up, but Tony helped me, and I began to sit down on his dick. It did hurt, quite a bit, when the head went in, but I tried not to let it show, because I knew Tony would make me stop - and I didn't want to. I just waited, like I did the first time I used the handle of the old hairbrush, until I got used to it, and then started slowly moving down, and letting Tony go deeper inside me. He rubbed against my sensitive spot, the something-gland, inside, it felt soooo good, I nearly cummed straight away, and it didn't hurt at all after that, it just felt brilliant, his dick felt hot and made me feel full, it was soooo sexy. Soon he was in all the way, and I could feel his hairs up against my bum and balls. His eyes were closed, and he was biting his lip, he looked like he was in heaven. I moved my bum up a little bit, and back down again, and Tony groaned, really loudly. I was afraid I was hurting him, so I asked him if he was alright, and he said he'd never felt anything better in his whole life. I was so proud of myself, making him feel so good, and it was feeling fantastic for me, too. I started going slowly up and down, Tony was sort of holding round my waist, helping me, and soon he was moaning all the time, and telling me how wonderful it felt. He was right, too, it was just amazing, every time I moved it felt like I was nearly cumming, and then I really did cum, it felt like I was cumming from right inside my bum, from that gland place. That set Tony off too, and he called out my name, really loudly, and then I felt his dick get even bigger and harder, it started jerking inside me, over and over again. I was still cumming, even after he finished, so I kept him inside me, as deep as he could go, and wriggled about to keep my cum going as long as I could. It lasted a few more seconds, but then it finally stopped. Tony's eyes were still closed, he looked half-dead, it was a bit scary for a minute, but then he smiled, sort of sleepily, like he'd just woken up from the best dream he'd ever had. He sort of sat up a bit, so he could hug me tightly, even while he was still inside me. Then he said something that I really didn't expect, but something that made me feel soooo good inside - he told me he loved me. I mean, I knew he liked me, and fancied me, but it was obvious that Si was the one he really loved. Just for a second, I nearly asked him whether he loved me more than Si, but I'm glad I stopped myself, because that wouldn't have been fair on Tony, to make him choose like that. So I just kissed him, and told him I loved him, too, and that I'd loved my first time having him inside me. Tony had started to go soft by this time, and sort of squidged out of me, and I suddenly felt really gooey inside, with all his stuff being up there, so I said I needed to go to the toilet. He agreed, and said we both needed a shower, too, so we headed off to the bathroom, me wrapped up in towels, and Tony in his dressing gown. I'd never had a shower with someone else before, so after I'd sat on the toilet and got rid of his stuff out of my bum, I asked Tony if we could shower together. He grinned, and said he'd love to. It was great fun, we played around a bit, splashing each other, and then he washed me, really gently and carefully, especially round my bum, which was a tiny bit sore, but nowhere near as bad as it was after my first time with the hairbrush, 'cos I was too rough with myself and didn't use enough slippery stuff that time. Then I washed Tony, too, and he must've liked the feeling, because he soon got hard. I asked him if he wanted to....put it inside me again, but he said no, it was my turn now. I couldn't believe my ears, I never thought he'd want me to do that to him, but he said he couldn't wait, so we went straight back to his room, because I couldn't wait, either, I was so excited to try it! It was a bit awkward finding the right position, with him being quite big, and me only having a little dick, but we managed it - he got on his hands and knees, and stuck his bum up as high as he could, I smeared the lube on him and me, and I put my dick straight in him. It felt great, especially when Tony used the muscles in his bum to squeeze me! I went in and out, over and over again, until I had a massive cum, and then a second one, not quite as big, but still amazing! I want to be able to make sperms, because it's part of growing up, but I'll miss not being able to have more than one cum at a time! After that, we just cuddled on Tony's bed for a while, and had a little sleep all wrapped up together. I woke up before Tony, all snuggled up in his arms, and I felt so safe and loved, it was wonderful. Those people who hate boylovers, who say they just hurt boys for their own selfish reasons, should have been me just then, they might understand things a bit better, that someone like Tony, who really loves boys, can make a boy feel so wanted and special and cared for. Really worth something. I have fantastic parents, and a great life, but still Tony gives me a sort of love my mum and dad couldn't.

I couldn't stop smiling when I met up with Si and Chrissy after Tony dropped me off back at the station near Si's house. They knew something special had happened, but they didn't try and find out what it was. I bet they guessed easily enough, anyway. Not that we keep secrets, Tony certainly didn't ask me to keep quiet - he never does, but he knows he doesn't have to - but we all know some things are private, so we don't ask. Even now, hours later, I'm still grinning my head off every time I think about what happened at Tony's - here I am, not even 12 until next week, and I'm not a virgin anymore. Either way!

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Something awful's happened. Si is in Chrissy's room, crying and crying. I've been crying a lot, too, but I can't let anyone see, especially not Mum and Dad. Tony's died - he was at the football with Si yesterday, and had a heart attack, at least, that's what they think it was. I didn't know, but Si said Tony had had a heart condition for years, he had to take pills every day because of it. It was so terrible for Si, not just because he was there when it happened, but because when he went to the hospital, they wouldn't let him see Tony, because he wasn't family. And then Tony died in the middle of the night. I....I don't know what else to say....or what to do. I'm going to miss him so much.

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Hi, Cam here again (not Cammy anymore, it sounded a bit....too....childish, I guess). I've just found this diary I wrote when I was 11/12 - it seems such a long time ago, even though it's only five years or so. I've never forgotten Tony, or what happened, though, and reading what I wrote at the time makes it seem like I was right back there again. I bet some people would think that now I'm older, I would look back at Tony, and hate him, think that he abused me, but I definitely don't. He was a wonderful, loving man, who cared so much about me, and the sex we had was what we both wanted, I enjoyed it so much, and I don't regret it at all. I've pretty much worked out now that I'm bisexual, I've had girlfriends and boyfriends, and had fun times with both. I've got a girlfriend, Livvy, at the moment, she knows I'm bi, and accepts that, and I think this time it might be more serious, a long term thing. Who knows, though? I'm still at school, doing my A-levels next year, I'm not thinking of getting married any time soon, or anything like that. Talking of which, Si and Chrissy are still together, they both got into Oxford, Si is doing Physics, Chrissy is doing Maths. They're engaged, hoping to get married, if the long-promised but still awaited marriage equality laws ever get passed. And they're still two of the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet, I love them both to bits.

I hope you enjoy reading my story, and I hope it makes you think, too - the stereotypes, about boylovers all being vile predators, are just plain wrong, as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, there are some awful people out in the world, who do want to hurt and abuse others, and they should be stopped, and, if necessary, punished. But there are others, and I'm certain Tony wasn't the only one, who really love, care for and cherish boys, and can give them wonderful life experiences, and not just in a sexual way, either. People should be judged on their merits, and not by unthinking reactions.

Love to you all
Cam xxxx

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Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B