Ecstasy

What....just....happened!

I wish life had a PVR, so I could rewind and replay the last couple of minutes, although, even seeing it a second, or even a third time, I might not believe it.

It had been a very bad day, work had been appalling, one of those 'anything that can go wrong, and even a few things that you thought could never go wrong, had gone wrong' kind of days, exacerbated by a manager whose ineptitude and lack of people skills would have tried the patience of the Dalai Lama, and then I'd been stuck in a seemingly intractable traffic jam on the way home, my usual forty minute journey eventually taking over two hours. When my doorbell rang before I'd even had the chance to get changed, I stomped to answer it planning to chew the head off of whichever double glazing salesman or equivalent had had the audacity to disturb me at a time like this. I wrenched the door open, drew in a breath to launch my tirade....and stopped in my tracks.

"Hi, Andy, I thought I heard your car. Mum said I could come over and see you - if that's OK with you. I need some help with my maths homework. Do you mind?"

Suddenly, all the woes of the day seemed to be washed away. As always, the sight of his face, the sound of his voice, the knowledge of the boyish exuberance just being kept in check, took me to another place, however low a point I was coming from. He wasn't, at 12, traffic-stoppingly gorgeous, wildly intelligent or stunningly talented, just an averagely nice-looking, well-proportioned and reasonably bright kid, but, somehow, the whole package was just totally irresistible to me. When he wasn't around, I had moments of guilt about the way he made me feel, but, in his presence, all of that was forgotten, I just cherished every moment. Every moment with the secret, unrequitable, unutterably wonderful love of my life.

"Yeah, no problem, Luke, come in. You know you're always welcome."

He smiled, and my heart melted all over again. Like it did every time he smiled. I tried to smile in return, but the combination of my rotten day and the knowledge, usually suppressed, but there all the time like a memento mori, that he would never, never feel the same way about me as I did about him, made my effort half-hearted at best. He noticed.

"Look, should I go, Andy, I don't want to be a pain."

"No, really, sunshine, I've just had a rough day, that's all. You're fine."

He looked at me, thoughtfully. There was a slightly awkward silence, a momentary hiatus.

"Andy....I don't like to see you sad. Mum always says....when I'm sad...." He hesitated again.

"What, Luke, what does she say?" I could manage little more than a whisper.

"Do....do you need a hug?"

I tried to answer, but I choked up, my eyes full of tears. All I could do was to slump down on the nearest dining chair and open my arms. He stepped between my parted knees and wrapped me up in a warm, loving but chaste embrace, and I responded in kind. For as long as I live, I'll never forget that moment, in each other's arms, love and caring flowing back and forth between us. Our eyes met, and a tear trickled down my cheek.

"Oh, Luke, thank you. I....love you."

He looked stunned, but just for a moment, before the smile returned, brighter than ever.

"I love you too."

And then I really was crying, but for joy. I'd received a passport straight to ecstasy.

****

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B