Submerged

Staring at the sea. Blankness in his mind. Blankness because to think of what had happened was too painful, too raw to contemplate. From heaven to hell, 'without passing Go', without collecting anything except torment and loss. He knew that he was the one to blame, the adult, the one who should have been responsible, should have shown self-control, should have submitted to societal norms. But it had been too much to resist, after all the years of yearning, finding the missing piece in his jigsaw, the perfect match. They had both wanted the same thing, there was no doubt, they had fallen into each other as though nothing else was possible, conceivable, love and desire at first sight made manifest. Love, the most important thing, what so many people search for so diligently and so long, found and consummated without hesitation or qualm. Mutuality without question, the man would never have become involved on any other basis, however insistent the hunger, his self-esteem could never have countenanced anything less. But the contemporary world could not accept their commitment, could not accept the possibility of their love, it was unequivocal 'abuse', the boy a 'victim', unable to think for himself, unable to take control of his own emotions, unable to escape the 'manipulation' of his innocence by a 'predator'. Their affinity was too obvious, however carefully they tried to dissimulate, questions were asked, answers were assumed, authorities alerted. The man knew there was no escape, managed to engineer a last, clandestine, meeting, fleeting minutes, so brief, so brief, so many tears, shed and unshed, but they managed, in those moments, to find a way to express all that they felt inside, to part without guilt or condemnation for each other, but both knowing that the parting was irrevocable, for ever, for ever. Darkness was falling, it was time. The man swallowed a last pill, washed down with his favourite wine, shame to drink from the bottle, but this was no time for niceties, stood unsteadily, teetered across the sand, walked past the water's edge and just kept walking. A last breath of life-giving air, the next inhalation filling his lungs with salty fluid, a moment of instinctive panic, and then darkness.

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Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B