Waking from a luminous dream, I lie on my bed, almost dazed by the insight I've gained in my sleep. The freedom of the dream domain, the release of inhibition, has allowed my mind to range into areas that I would never traverse in my waking moments, with all the pressure from without and within, to conform, to do, to be, what the world expects me to do and to be, to suppress my real self. But why should I conform, why should I carry on forcing myself to be the square peg in the round hole, as long as I defer to the laws of the land, and, more importantly, as long as I don't harm anyone, why shouldn't I be the person I've known myself to be for so many years?
But, as the luminescence in my head fades, going out of focus and becoming nothing more than a melange of colours, without pattern or meaning, all the fear, all the pain, flows back into my conscious mind, telling me you can't, you can't, you've got responsibilities, you'll hurt your family, you'll attract the attention of the haters, the narrow-minded, those who wouldn't choose to understand even if they could, submit to the restrictions of society, who are you to think you could ever break free from the chains that have been forged for you since childhood? There's nothing for you outside of your hiding place except the rightful hatred and disgust of the right thinking world, no matter that you've never allowed your foetid longings to break surface, just thinking about such things is enough to condemn you to an eternity of damnation, vile, evil, perverted wretch that you are....
NO!!
No, I'm none of those things, I'm the person of my dreams, who has so much love to give, who would never knowingly hurt anyone, even at the expense of my own happiness, but who can't pretend any more, can't waste what remains of my life in denial of who I really am.
It's time to live the dream. It's time to be me.
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Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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